This post is about to get very personal - so you have been warned :-)
I am genuinely looking for input here, especially if you are a practicing Roman Catholic, who can offer some suggestions [although other opinions are valued as well!].
As you are aware, I am a practicing Roman Catholic, and although at time I may not agree with all the 'rules', as a practicing member of my faith, I abide by them. So here is my dilemma - we currently have a 4.5 month old baby who is the joy of our lives, but we don't want another baby for another year or so. Simply put, I wouldn't be able to take care of a baby and deal with pregnancy symptoms [should we be lucky enough to get pregnant right away] or deal with a baby and an infant simultaneously. There is also the little matter of my disability hearing, hopefully this winter, and I know that the issue would come up how I am able to care for one child [let alone 2] while I'm 'claiming' to be disabled and unable to hold a regular, daily job. I would hate for the fact that I'm a mother to ruin my chances to get disability. There is also the issue that with the nasty tendonitis in both hands, they want to start a new treatment next month which is not conducive to being pregnant...and again, for disability purposes I can't refuse medical treatment because I want to get pregnant and expect to be awarded disability. Yes, I know that it's not a fair comparison or a fair question, but I know that it will be an issue... and for personal vanity, I'd like to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight before trying for another baby [and as of today, that is only 15lbs away!!]
So, the dilemma is, knowing that we don't want a baby for at least a year, do I violate my faith and use birth control in order to have a relationship with my husband? The natural method is not an option for me as my periods have never been regular [and I still haven't gotten my period yet]. This is really a dilemma for me, as I believe that in order to go to confession and receive absolution, you need to be repentant and want to make an effort to do better, not simply return to doing the same thing.
I feel stuck. I certainly don't want to reject a baby should God choose to bestow us with one, as I sometimes wonder if we lost Sammy because we had used birth control right after we got married, as we didn't want kids at that point. I am totally aware that this is God's choice as to how many and when I may have children, but for my medical/disability issues it's just not feasible right now. Are there any other options I'm overlooking? For now, we simply don't have time or energy to enjoy each other's company, but I know that won't last forever.
Maybe I'm fretting over nothing. We needed Clomid to get pregnant with Sophie, and it too us over a year to get pregnant with Sammy... but isn't that always the way, when you don't think it will happen, that is just might?
Confused and not sure what choice to make,